impermanence: a meditation

Impermanence makes me uncomfortable

Makes me nostalgic 

Makes me cringe

Makes me experience longing for things haven't even happened yet or that happened long ago

Makes me who I am and oxymoronically reminds that I am nothing but a series of independent moments in time sewn together by an ego

Ego makes us perceive time

It constantly drives us to recall either the past or the future.  When was the last time you actually did something in the present, without contextualizing it.  The ego is a contextualization tool, it keeps you alive, which is necessary.  However, the context is an illusion. 

Animals exist in the moment and constantly perceive this moment in real time.  This is why they are so loving.

By muddying this experience of the moment with context that does not exist, what do we lose? 

We exchange perpetual bliss for anxiety. 

Our bodies are linear and our ego attempts to understand why. Why--we are born, we grow, we grow old, and we die.  We cannot understand because there is nothing to understand.  Understanding is an attempt to grasp something fleeting. 

Every moment is fractal of everything that has ever existed. By the time you perceive a pattern it has already changed.  The pattern is an illusion, it is a tool the ego uses to feel comfortable. There is no pattern.  Life is constantly rebirthing itself in a way that is familiar, yet fundamentally different. 

The only constant is that we will all experience death. But even death is an illusion we hold on to.  Energy is neither created nor destroyed.  It only alchemizes itself into new forms.  Every moment in your life is alchemization. At the core each moment in time is an opportunity to accept or reject our essence.